have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
