dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
