I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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