This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
