I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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