i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize