Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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