Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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