Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Porn is love you can see.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
