i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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