Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
bring money and cleavage
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
