Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
