It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
