Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
