Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So vagazzling was a success
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize