If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
