I would go down on you faster than GM stock
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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