I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm really busy with my period
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