I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
