pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
