Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
