I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
