We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
