i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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