just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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