this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize