Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
