there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
