i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
