I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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