You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
