Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
