I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
