I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
