i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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