my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Two words: nipple clamps
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