Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
