foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
