Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
