did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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