I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
