She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
