ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
