Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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