put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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