wat bout pragnant strippers??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
