I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
