How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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