I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
