She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
