When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
