She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
