guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
