We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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