when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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