I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
