she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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