I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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