I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
love makes seman taste better
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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