so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
