Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
