She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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