you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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