I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
