Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
