We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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