I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize