guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
